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Post by ditkanate on Jan 10, 2024 21:59:17 GMT
ok welp i started! NEXT!!@#$@$# CH 1: teh waerst birfdayit's harry's birfday and teh durseley's are still bae as evar. he's back living with them on summer break and they have all his magic stef locked up including hedwig. ;applefub; so anyway they have either forgotten or are ignoring his birthday as Vernon tries to sell a bunch of drills at a swoot dinner party. no one from hogwarts has wroted to harry all summer so he is sad. 🤧 and now someone is sitting on Harry's bed.  Ch 2: Dobby's warningI'm going to have to shut my ears in the oven door later. Dobby's pretty ntg tbh, ngl! So apparently going back to hogwarts will be dangerous or something but not cuz of Volde....opps him who shalt not be namentined. some OTHER danger. Ron Weasley is looking through the bars on his window. |
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Post by isthisamo on Jan 16, 2024 0:17:51 GMT
ok welp i started! NEXT!!@#$@$# CH 1: teh waerst birfdayit's harry's birfday and teh durseley's are still bae as evar. he's back living with them on summer break and they have all his magic stef locked up including hedwig. ;applefub; so anyway they have either forgotten or are ignoring his birthday as Vernon tries to sell a bunch of drills at a swoot dinner party. no one from hogwarts has wroted to harry all summer so he is sad. 🤧 and now someone is sitting on Harry's bed. i read this one. all these things you typed up did indeed happen... umm. this is a book club we're in. you're in! urine! ur welcome!
donney dursley sure is great. he should be the star of the book! :stuburn:
hasn't gotten to this part yet.
well, now i have. and the answer is dobby must protect harry!! harry famous but not too bright! dobby smart.
ch. 3: wesley comes to the rescue so yeah. the weasels come and save harry and take him to their crappy house. harry loves it though cuz he's just a stupid kid who doesn't understand that their house sucks cuz their poor.
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Post by ditkanate on Jan 20, 2024 3:34:27 GMT
OMFG THIS IS SO BAE!@#$ I'M GOING TO SLAM MY EARS IN THE OVER LATER OUT OF PURE EXCITEMENT@@%@#$%@#$%
ehh boy. i looked at my notes on the weasley chapter and ehh... well, here you go: i think i may have been, like, pretty drnuk when i read that chapter. its possible.
this buk clube is amaze
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Post by isthisamo on Jan 22, 2024 23:48:57 GMT
teh dronx buk clube!! whoooo!@#@!#
EYE REED BOUT DUM KEEDZ! *pounds tequila shot*
i'm part way through the next one where it's more weasley's and then they go to buy stuff for school again. all ur fav characters are there. 
then ol weasley gets into a fight with mr. malfroy. day ain't good ter fightin ovur dare. - hagrid
some famous wizard all the old hags swoon over will be harry's teacher. he doesn't seem to bae.
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Post by ditkanate on Feb 15, 2024 3:38:13 GMT
chapter four was real weasley! i've decided i'm only gonna travel by FLOO dust from now on.  |
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Post by isthisamo on Feb 20, 2024 13:32:23 GMT
ch. 5 harry and weasly suck ass
i read it a while ago. oh yeah. so i think this is the one where harry gets left behind in the train station or something. maybe. they fly the car to school and crash it and stuff. they get in trouble. people are pissed but they giggle like dickheads. i think that's it.
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Post by ditkanate on Feb 24, 2024 2:56:09 GMT
yeah you got it pretty much. they bounced off the wall at the train station so... the only plan left is to fly a car to school. ;usehaid; and too bad the fucking whomping their ass tree didn't kill them and use them for fertilizer imo.
If only we were on the Hogwarts Express so we could buy an ice cold pumpkin juice 🥴 like i've never ever wished for pumpkin juice in my life. wtf is going on.
I think I connect with Snape more than any other characters. Punk brat assed kids flouting the rules and fuckin smiling about it.
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Post by isthisamo on Feb 25, 2024 12:27:24 GMT
yeah you got it pretty much. they bounced off the wall at the train station so... the only plan left is to fly a car to school. ;usehaid; and too bad the fucking whomping their ass tree didn't kill them and use them for fertilizer imo. better in every way really.
i don't remember wanting pumpkin juice. i'm not a fan of starbucks seasonal pumpkin lattes either. :stuburn:
ch. 6 lockhart man. he is terrible. he's written sooo terrible that it's unbelievable. takes me right out of the otherwise completely reasonable story! :stuburn:
anyway. this chapter is him being horrible. and harry being horrible. can't even magic stuff good. :weary:
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Post by ditkanate on Feb 27, 2024 2:46:20 GMT
i don't remember wanting pumpkin juice. i'm not a fan of starbucks seasonal pumpkin lattes either. :stuburn: maybe everyone pretends to like those so that people don't think they're harry potter haters. Gildy seems pretty greta to me imo. Won best smile five years running! Or something. HEY YOU SHOULDN'T BE GIVING OUT AUTOGRAPHED PICTURES! NOT TIL UR AWESOME LIKE ME AT LEAST. alsobuymybooks. |
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Post by isthisamo on Feb 27, 2024 12:26:01 GMT
maybe everyone pretends to like those so that people don't think they're harry potter haters. that makes sense. I'm not looging at the brightside of gildy.
ch. 7 eh, slugs and hagrid harry gets up early, skips breakfast, and goes to quidich practice only to not practice and has his buddy curse himself with slug throwup i guess. that's about it really i think.
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Post by ditkanate on Mar 1, 2024 21:09:15 GMT
if i find out you hate harry potter imma wizardkabang you into a slugfilled pumpkin mister!@!##$@#@! i guess that's almost everyone, really. WTF!@#$ HE'S ALL BRIGHTSIDE!#@$@#$ BITCH!#$@$#@#@$ you're such a mudblood smh slug throwup... better out than in!!@# i cast the engorgement charm on the missus just last night! ;hyper; also harry heard some whisper murmer thing saying "let me rip you... let me tear you" or some such. seemed pretty greta ngl |
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Post by isthisamo on Mar 4, 2024 5:00:18 GMT
if i find out you hate harry potter imma wizardkabang you into a slugfilled pumpkin mister!@!##$@#@! i guess that's almost everyone, really. man everyone sucks. i could probably help with that. cuz... i've done it like a million times. it's in mah book. yeaahh. lundgrin or whatever his name is sweet whispers dude! harry's friends.
ch. 8 harry is a cat killer or something that's the next chapter i guess. and filch is a squib or something. filch is a pretty great prof. tbh. and he loves that cat.
harry shouldn't kill professor's cats. he should know that, really. whispers or no. |
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Post by ditkanate on Mar 6, 2024 4:05:38 GMT
this tracks, actually. brightside loogey i think his name is. no mention of nearly headless nick's ghost party? OH HOW I HATE THIS HALF INCH FLAP OF NECKSKIN!!@# ;pea; Ch 9: the writing on the wall Filch is a squib and his cat is petrified (not scared, like, stiff and hard) Is Harry the Slytherin heir? 👀 Ch 10: the rogue bludger Lockhart removed Harry's armbones. ;hyper; Dobby let his masters dinner burn. Such a flogging Dobby never had, sir... ahh dobby. bae. so apparently the chamber is definitely open! ITS OPEN BABY! ITS OPEN UP THE YING YANG!@#$@$#$#@  Ch 11: the dueling clubHe woke up to find his arm reboned but very stiff ;hyper; A Slytherin girl reminded him of a picture he'd seen in Holidays with Hags? excuse me what? Harry's a parseltontgue or something. Snake talker obvs Now Justin and nearly headless are petrified too and everyone thinks it was Harry. ;applerub; *they blow nearly headless out of the way with a fan* Now it's off to see dumblydoor |
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Post by isthisamo on Mar 19, 2024 12:55:08 GMT
been watching beavis and butthead clips. them: THIS SUCKS. but they're right. *teh ladies swoon* oh right. quite teh foodz they had ther! but they think it's malfroy. they're gonna sus it out. get some spell from a book or whatever.
that's as far as i got. didn't realize you were in here blowin through chapters!!!!
Ch 10: the rogue bludger Lockhart removed Harry's armbones. ;hyper; Dobby let his masters dinner burn. Such a flogging Dobby never had, sir... ahh dobby. bae. so apparently the chamber is definitely open! ITS OPEN BABY! ITS OPEN UP THE YING YANG!@#$@$#$#@ Ch 11: the dueling clubHe woke up to find his arm reboned but very stiff ;hyper; A Slytherin girl reminded him of a picture he'd seen in Holidays with Hags? excuse me what? Harry's a parseltontgue or something. Snake talker obvs Now Justin and nearly headless are petrified too and everyone thinks it was Harry. ;applerub; *they blow nearly headless out of the way with a fan* Now it's off to see dumblydoor [/quote] |
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Post by ditkanate on Mar 23, 2024 16:45:25 GMT
been watching beavis and butthead clips. them: THIS SUCKS. but they're right. never doubt beavis and butthead. tanner sent me a clip of them a few weeks ago. still hilarious 30 years later. nearly headless nick knows how to throw a bash oh i'm blowing baby! BLOWING UP THE YING YANG!!@# also *spoiler alert* on teh potion and malfoy and etc. ;shh; Ch 10: the rogue bludger Lockhart removed Harry's armbones. ;hyper; Dobby let his masters dinner burn. Such a flogging Dobby never had, sir... ahh dobby. bae. so apparently the chamber is definitely open! ITS OPEN BABY! ITS OPEN UP THE YING YANG!@#$@$#$#@ Ch 11: the dueling clubHe woke up to find his arm reboned but very stiff ;hyper; A Slytherin girl reminded him of a picture he'd seen in Holidays with Hags? excuse me what? Harry's a parseltontgue or something. Snake talker obvs Now Justin and nearly headless are petrified too and everyone thinks it was Harry. ;applerub; *they blow nearly headless out of the way with a fan* Now it's off to see dumblydoor Ch 12: turning into tards i thought there would be more to harry seeing dumblydore in his office. but he just asks if harry has anything to say and he says no. also dumbly's bird explodes. Harry and Ron and Hermione get their potion ready and turn into big Dumbo's only to learn malfoy isn't behind the chamber opening. Also Hermione is a cat now i guess. there was a cat hair in her potion. smh YOU GOTTA BE CAREFUL PEOPLE!@@# Ch 13: the very secret diaryThey find a blank toilet diary. Then flitwitch throws an amaze Valentine party for himself and has dwarves run arounf all day as sweet singing cupids. Harry goes into the diary and sees hagrid is the one who opened the chamber of secrets. He ain't hurt no one! *harry poops back out to reality* ;dunno; Ch 14: Cornelius fudgeSomeone ransacked Harry's room and stole the diary. Harry hears the voice again. Hermione thinks she figured something out but now she's petrified 😔 Hagrid is off to prison and dumblydoor is suspended i read this chapter over the last couple days, and when i come here to post it.... i ehhhh, don't remember who cornelius fudge is? oh ok just looged back to research and he's the asshole gunning for hagrid and dumblydope's job or whatever. |
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Post by isthisamo on Apr 14, 2024 9:57:40 GMT
never doubt beavis and butthead. tanner sent me a clip of them a few weeks ago. still hilarious 30 years later. yeah. i guess they made more where they're adults now. their basically the same except they drink beer. :B yeah, if he complained about his dumb ol neck a bit less he'd be down right kickass!! yeah, not malfroy. he's too much of a fuck up to be the heir. dumbasses! oh man, we're way back in chap. 10? holy shit. sorry for teh no update! :B i'm bae and the best forearm bookclub bookcluber there ever was, quite frankly! :stuburn:
best thing to do here would be some magic. no need for teh hospital! :hugerolleyes: *removes bones* :B ok, now go. :hyper:
dobby is pretty bae.
but who opened the chamber? let's find out! 12 year olds must just giggle all the time at these bookos. eh well, and all males. maybe that's part of their charm. well, not maybe, it is! you know, holidays with hags. a tip top mag for sure! it's like jugs only for wizards! :usehaid;
everyone knows the best way to move a froze ghost is with a fan!
man i swear i already responded to this shit. whatever. ONWARD!
yeah, other than the bird explosion, nothing happened at all with dumbly! ok, well. dumbly: you know i'm like old and wise and would help you and stuff. :B potter: is just a dumb scared 12-year old who thinks dumbly will just kick him out of school so he keeps his mouth shut.
i thought he could at least tell dumbly about dobby! would seem reasonable to me. but whatever.
also hermione is a cat now. :hyper: this book is growing on me.  that thing is super secret. and toilety. 🤢 is that his name? flitwitch? i believe that was lockhart. :B
i was annoyed with ron about the diary. "i'm sure riddle just got a diary for christmas and didn't bother to fill it in."
eh, than why would someone try to hide it!@#?? :twak: it's obviously not nothing. ALSO YOU'RE ALL FUCKING WIZARDS!@#!@# *aggravation clouds swoopentine* yeah. i thought fudge came to tell dumbly that he's out. and then malfroy's dad, Lucius, he's gunning to have dumbly out of the picture and got 12 signatures or something.
and hagrid gave some shouting tips to the invisible boys.
i assume the voice harry is hearing is the monster. and i would venture to say that the monster is a snake. :B just my guessing at this pointo. decuctoing from the snake talk tip! it's obviously not hagrid's spider. 🙄
Ch. 15 Aragog
so obviously they had to go after teh spiders. ron wasn't too keen on it. seemed great to me. :dunno: anyway, they didn't really help at all. the car saved them from certain spider death. which probably would have been super nice way to go. also, i think ron's fear of spiders is totally cured.
they may have figured out that moaning mona is maybe the girl who was killed 50 years ago. maybe they can talk her into talking instead of moaning. it won't be easy!
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Post by ditkanate on Apr 17, 2024 4:13:46 GMT
yeah. i guess they made more where they're adults now. their basically the same except they drink beer. :B i should probably watch those tbh. :B OHHH MY SKINFLAP OOOHHH!@#$@#$@#$ maybe hagrid! hagrid seems too dumb to be behind anything tbh. also i just figured i was riding solo here at this point! the one man booko clube! *talks to self and types to self and mumbles and thigns* you mean responded to these gold dabloons obvs. gotta go. new issue of Jerkin it on Xmas just came in the mail. came, heheheheh you enjoy your 12 year old girl characters turning into real pussies. (i mean, who doesn't) oh also, i guess i thought dumbly might... have some insight or know something. but maybe i'm thinking he's more like gandalf old and wise but he's just a dumbly old bumblebobler. ;dunno; *waves in a friendly manner to the aggravation clouds* i'm not sure you can call ron a wizard at this point. i couldn't remember lockharts name. flitwiwtch seemed close enough. YOU DONT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ANYTHING IT COULD TOTALLY BE HAGRID'S SPIDER! (we know it isn't the spider) a snake is a godo guess actually. i hadn't put two and two together on that. :B i'm smurt. MOAAAANA AND GROAAANAA AND LEAVE MEA ALONNNEEAHHHHHHHHHHH i guess there's a wild car roaming teh forest now. nice that it is helpful to ron and harry. i was trying to visualize them following teh spiders into the forest and i'm thinking... how big are these things? did the booko say these were dog sized spiders or what? cuz little ones , you know, don't really walk as fast as humans!@#@# |
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Post by isthisamo on Apr 17, 2024 7:13:01 GMT
i should probably watch those tbh. :B i've only watched a few clips, net a whole episode. i don't even know where to watch them at. i think it's comedy central. not sure. :B well, now you make it sound pretty bae. :hyper: not much different tbh. indeed, no way it was hagrid. he's a bumbling idiot who just loves monsters and dogs and stuff. the chamber thing is more complicated than that. you're right, he never would have figured out a way in there. and he ain't the fucking slitherin heir.  what a great mag that is! i mean, all jerkmags are greta. but that was is especially nice, cuz it's a holiday special!! i think he would have offered help or whatever, but he wanted harry to ask for it. and since he refused to say anything dumbly was all :fuckyou: get out of my office then fuckstick! well, ron is the least wizard of their little group, that's true. but mostly right now that's cuz of his busted wand. like he totally made himself puke slugs. only a wizard can do that! well, maybe a normal person could do it. but they'd have to eat a bunch of slugs. not zap themselves with a broken wand. :B
is flitwitch an actual character? i just assumed he was.  :dunno: also, my booko has a huge picture of a snake on the cover. so... i'm not saying i'm not brilliant. but i may have had some tip help there! :B i got the impression that they were small, but many. spiders can move pretty fucking fast! :stuburn:
I'm gonna come back and edit this to add teh next chapter. actually 2 i think. :B
Ch. 16 CHAMBER POT OF SECRETS!!@#
teh chapter that is the whole booko! so yeah. they go talk to myrtle or whoever and she's super forthcoming. i don't remember what killed me. but i can fucking tell you it was right over there. RIGHT THERE! YES! (nathan macintosh voice). so potter snake talks the pipe and it opens up and they force super sweet lockhart down there with them and they slide down the pipes. that's gross as fuck. is there shit all over these pipes? drain pipes ARE NOT CLEAN MAN! no where! ur just gonna slide all down them no problem? ew!
anyway. dumbjim steals ron's wand and abricudabras the ceiling down on them and harry has to head off on his own. hopefully his parceltongue will keep him from being killed, but he basically has no plan and no fucking rooster! :B
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Post by ditkanate on Apr 19, 2024 1:48:27 GMT
i've only watched a few clips, net a whole episode. i don't even know where to watch them at. i think it's comedy central. not sure. :B i think they is on paramount+, which i currently has. no excuse for me ovur hear.  he's like the retard spice of the book there's xmas trees and decorations or whatever behind all the nude vag GTFOH YOU PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT!2# I HOPE HERMIONE LOOKS RIGHT AT TAHT BIG FUCKING SNAAKE AND DIES U POS COCKSUCKER!@#$@#$@#$ boy, dumbly is a real piece of work. FLITWITCH IS THE REALEST CHARACTER IN THIS WHOLE BOOK!@#@#$ now i'm thinking about performing some wizardry when you are here this summer. *eats a shit ton of expired slugs right before you come over* ;hyper; that's... a pretty godo tip actually. i just see the flying car on mine. the tree looks a bit snakey but its hard to tell. when i click on the book it goes to the fucking chapter for me to read!@# I JUST WANNA SEE THE SNAKE GOD DAMMIT!@@#$@#$@#$  fuck. i thought i finished this chapter last night. i read where harry got the note out of petrihermiones hand or whatever but i didn't read where they talked to moany groany so then i remembered i didn't finish it. SO! I'LL FINISH THAT BITCH TONIGHT AND POST A FUCKING SHIT TON OF SPICE IN THE MORNING! YOU JUST WATCH!@#$@#$@#$ I'M BACK! BITCH!@#$#$@ not sure moany myrtle wasn't forthcoming, she told them wad she knew! she just didn't no much! i looged at something and then i b daid. but that was enough for harry to no wad happun cuz it is a tip that basilisk. Ginny Weasley walked in on Percy ehh doing something. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ The babies are ready to harvest so they can wake up the petrified peeps Harry figures it out from Hermione's paper. Issa snake (basilisk). But now Ginny is tooked. Lockhart is bolting. "Now now, books can be very misleading". YOU WROTE THEM!!&_$ *aggravation clouds encircle harry* well the witch who actually saved those people had hair on her chin, i mean, come on. 🤢 ;stuburn; (he has a point!) Ooh harry Ron and fuck face hop into teh chamber. Now Harry heads in alone after Ron's wand blew up on lockfuckstick oh yeah the rooster. i forgot they dun has one or that they even needed one! i was too into the snakepipedrains!!@## Ch 17: heir of slytherywell well well, mr tom riddle is there in his diary. AND BADABING HE'S VOLDY BAYBEEEEEE alsohehasharryswand Fawkes to the rescue. I mean Harry sworded the snake but it was the Fawkes show. don't need to fuckn rooster when you god FAWKES BITCH!@@#$ also Lockhart memory spelled himself smh tbh. ch 18: sockdobbyso, all is well and everyone is saventined. harry finds out he's meant to by a griffy after all. and at the last second harry saves dobby with a sock. dobby is most appreciative. *smashes head with an iron* BAM AND THIS BITCH IS DONE!@@#$ BITCH!@$##$@ |
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Post by isthisamo on May 1, 2024 1:27:07 GMT
i think they is on paramount+, which i currently has. no excuse for me ovur hear. i just downloaded a bunch including the original stuff. i watched like the 2 pre season 1 ones. wow, it's barely what it is now. that's true. he's probably the only reason we haven't given up on this series. it's just like any other nudy mag, but just a little nicer. like, warms ur heart a little while you whack furiously. i guess he lost his temper there a bit. that school does seem like a frustrating place to run. so that makes sense. eye suppose they have those at the hy-vee organic section. also! there's a picture of the fucking fawke or whatever flying arounf the snake so i knew that was going to have something to do with it too. especially when the spiders or someone said a rooster was the snake's nemesis or whatever. i was like, oh, their talking about dumbly's dumb old bird. but again, i'm sure my insight had to do with teh cover over dare. i suppose you like to think spiders are slow to help you sleep at night. :ooby: lol. i was thinking the same thing! course, now we know it wasn't whacking. but we didn't back then! i thought that would be a hilarious thing for the author to tost in there. i guess that's true. who wants to read about an ugly old which? NO ONE! i guess it turns out harry just relies on his harry luck. which seems to be his MO. basically a bunch of shit is going to show up and save him. i feel like this shit is not teaching harry good lessons! voldy is back! well, briefly. but i guess this was just like, eh. an arm of him or something. like it's not the real total him i don't think. anyway, like i said. harry basically just bumbles his way to victory here. maybe the fang diary stab is a stroke of brilliance, but that's it. and i guess keeping it together enough to use the sword. pretty godo with, from my understanding, no sword training whatsoever. this won't be the last we see of ol dobby i imagine! also, i guess elves are pretty powerful in teh magic over dare. as soon as dobby is free he fucks malfroy up and then just disappears. he doesn't even need a wand! i feel a little bitch after all this. 🥴 so... are we keeping going? |
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what a great mag that is! i mean, all jerkmags are greta. but that was is especially nice, cuz it's a holiday special!!
:dunno:
